we ran a race tonight. it was the wall street 5k and the night was hot. real hot. the kind of hot where you’re like, ”dang, it’s real hot.”.
so, i’m running along, dodging people because there are thousands running with me and also random wall street guys crossing the street inbetween runners even though there is a sweaty road race going on. i’m excited because this is a short race, and we never really run short races. then i’m really even more excited because there is only one mile left and it’s super hot and some guy sweat slimed my arm by accident.
then i get so close to the finish line that i can see it. and suddenly i dry heaved out of no-wheres and i knew i was going to barf. hard. so i tried to “pull over” if you will, to barf and avoid getting barf on other runners. the pack was still so tight that i cut someone off. and he fell. and then a woman fell on top of him. and then i barfed. it got on them and my legs and one other girl. this is all about 2 steps before the finish line. why were they so nice to me? they asked me if i was ok instead of saying, “i hate you, because you just barfed up a whole apple and and some other stuff on my arm and hair.”.
i felt so awful and embarrassed that i just said a vague sorry and ran away as a road runners marshal shuffled me off to the side so that i could continue my you know whatting in peace.
i’ve seen other runners barf after races, but i have never done it. and i never thought it would happen in a 5k. super weird right? sorry for those innocent people who i tripped and then barfed on and then ran away from, that seems like pretty much the worst day ever.
oh and another time we were on a big family road trip and i was about 6 and we pulled over at a rest stop to stretch our legs. my overly friendly dad started talking to the oldest woman i had ever seen and out of no where i barfed on her. and then we drove to utah. i have never forgiven myself for that one. because have you ever seen someone aprx. 290 years old crying because her new dress got thrown up on?
karma has totally come back to me in the form of a tiny adorable little pip that barfed on me basically non-stop for about 2 years in a row.
ps i secretly hate the word barf. i’m sorry i wrote it like fifty times in one minute. lets put this topic to bed, k? (unless you want to share your barfing on stranger stories to make me feel better…..no? you dont barf on strangers?)
i’ve got one: i’m 9 years old getting my braces adjusted at the dentist with that awful laughing gas stuff that is supposed to smell/taste like something fruity but is in reality disgusting. i tell him i’m not feeling well and he insists that i lay there and endure it because if i leave he’ll have to schedule another appt. and that i should save my mom the hassle. fast forward 3 minutes….i sit up and barf all over him AND the sweet, pretty nurse assistant lady. i was half mortified and half satisfied that i was right and he should’ve let me go. the end.
ps: pip is seriously cute. if anyone were to barf on me, i’d totally request her.
I don’t know if I’ve ever barfed on anyone, but when I was in, like, fourth grade, I was standing in the front row during music class, and while we were singing, I barfed all over the carpet. I got taken to the nurse, and when I came back, some of the kids asked me if I had Berry Berry Kix for breakfast. Yes. Yes, I did.
Aaahhh hahahahahaha. I can’t stop laughing. This is such an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.
I barfed blue Slurpee on a boyfriend right after a roller coaster ride at Magic Mountain. And then very romantically I fainted.
Ask Kelly about Ben. She’ll agree with me that the dirt bag DESERVED to be barfed on. If not more.
ooohhh man this was funny and sad and funny all over again. thanks for sharing!
I was giggling at the title alone.
Okay, here’s the part where I’m super embarrassed. Remember how I was texting you on Wednesday asking you if you could cut my hair “tomorrow”? And you were telling me about the race and we were all trying to work it out. The ENTIRE time I thought “tomorrow” was Friday!! IDIOT! (And clearly a wishful thinker.) Um, sorry I just totally never followed up. The worst part is I looked back on our texts and saw where you said, “Yeah, I bring my stuff home on Thursdays.” I still didn’t get it at the time. I’m really embarrassed. I’m sorry!! Can we try for next week? I’m so stupid.
And now, my not the most embarrassing but still terrible memory barf story.
When my parents got married they made an agreement that once they had kids my mom would handle all the poopy accidents and my dad would handle all the barfy accidents. (Sidenote, I also hate the word barf with a passion, but feel it’s appropriate for this post.) Anyway, my mom does NOT do well with throw up (a quality I inherited, which makes me sort of glad I didn’t come cheer you and Jake on at the race, haha.) Anyway, so when I was in second grade I woke up in the middle of the night and went into my parents room and woke up my dad and told him I didn’t feel good. Since he was in bed asleep and my mom was awake downstairs talking to my aunt he told me to go tell her. So I walk downstairs and say, “Mom, I don’t feel good.” So, knowing her issues with barf, she jumps up and quickly says, “Well lets get you to the bathroom.” On our way to the bathroom I start barfing ALL over the tile floor. We’re both in bare feet, and I remember us both totally slipping on it. SIIIIICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My saint of an aunt totally cleaned up the barf for my mom.
Gross.
my dog barfed all over my friend in the car once… even worse… she was on her way to the airport. she had to sit on the plane with dog barf smell all over her leg. poor girl.
also, i am always in charge of barf accidents at my house. it. is. terrible. when i married my husband he had 2 kids. they quickly stopped waking dad up for middle of the night barf parties and came right to my side of the bed. nothing says i love you like letting your husband’s children barf all over you in the middle of the night while he (not so) quietly snores beside you. i even make it into a gift for him sometimes… the card reads… remember that time your son puked all over me and i didn’t even cry/complain/wake you up? happy birthday. teehee.
When I was in the 5th grade we would rotate teachers during the day. One teacher for English, one for Math… and so on. I was in my Science teacher’s classroom and I couldn’t focus because I didn’t feel good. So I just stared blankly at my test. She hated me anyway because I was a talker but she REALLY hated that I wasn’t doing my test and that class was almost over. So to “punish” me she moved me to the back table that is right by her desk so she could watch me. The back table was full of papers she was in the middle of grading. Yeah, I puked ALL OVER those papers. And all of my friends (including the boy I had been in love with since Kindergarten) saw it happen! It was one of those, you make a LOUD Belch and then SPEW puke all over kind of pukes. It was nasty. That teacher promptly sent me home and from then on I could pretty much get away with anything in her class because she was just so disgusted with me.
Sorry that happened to you. I think it is FAR worse when embarassing things happen to you as an adult then it is when your a kid. When your a kid you can eat a peice of candy and play with your favorite toy and you forget about it. When your an adult you OVER analize it and keep replaying it in your head. I’ve been there. Hope you were able to get some sleep that night.
HILARIOUS. sorry for your woes but HILARIOUS. esp the 290 yr old woman.
barf is better than vomit. vomit is nast.
So sorry you barfed! I cry whenever I barf/puke (always have and I think I always will). And, I don’t do well with other’s barf/puke. My daughter caught a bug when she was around 1 yr, barfed and then begged to nurse. Within five minutes I had barf/puke covering my chest, stomach, lap and daughter. Ugh. That clean up was NOT fun.
Poor you! And those poor runners…
When I think of barf I think of The Goonies when Chunk tells the story about how he barfed on all the people in the movie theatre and then they were so grossed out that they yakked too.
Oh, and also The Sandlot when they all spew on the ride at the carnival. I’ll never be able to get that orange color out of my brain. Oh geez and today I’m wearing orange.
I threw my husband a party for his 30th birthday this past January and I was running around so much that day that I didn’t eat anything. When the party started I was so relieved that I downed not one, not two, but FOUR pomegranete comopolitans and got sick before the party even ended! My sweet husband took everyone’s coats off our bed so I could go to sleep and then everyone felt like they had to leave and basically I’m the worst host ever.
PS Thanks for not including picture with this post
This was such a funny post! You are such a great storyteller! I don’t have any barf on others stories, but I do have fart on others stories. Won’t share them here in case you find farts gross.
barf is a crappy word.
let’s just say that people who drive convertibles think they are so cool. that is, until they are stuck behind my 13 week pregnant self in stand still traffic in vegas. in the heat.
yeah, he wasn’t feeling so cool then.
This made me laugh out loud, which is hard to accomplish when one is sleep deprived. I wish I could say I’m sorry that happened, but for entertainment purposes, I’m just not.
Sorry you got sick. I wish I could have pat your back like you did for me.
Reagan, I am CRYING TEARS LAUGHING SO HARD!! You are genius. GENIUS. And your friends are so stinking funny. I almost peed reading about the belch and spew combo. I am bookmarking this post!
Love, reagan. The other one.
Once upon a time… When i was in about sixth grade, We were coming home from a long road trip. We stopped to eat at Wally’s Burgers. Of course, I ordered the swiss cheese mushroom burger (a mistake i will never make again) I didn’t feel to hot for the next half hour, and then i felt it comin, that stuped swiss cheese mushroom burger. To make matters worse Dad didn’t stop the car and the barf got all over the side of the car, and a little went into the window behind me, splashin on my brothers face. The End!
Ohhh, yew, REAGAN! haha I’ve never barfed or been barfed on, but…I can imagine that it’s no fun!!!
hilarious. I wouldn’t remember because i’d probably be drunk at the time!
I am laughing so hard right now. I’m sorry. I know it’s not nice, but I’m justifying it because it’s already happened. If I had been there I wouldn’t have laughed, promise. I hope you look back on it and laugh too.
One time, when I was 18, I made dinner for the Elders for the very first time. I was living on my own and felt very grown up at the fact that I could host my own missionary dinner. My investigator boyfriend was our chaperone and my non-member roommate joined in too.
About 1/4 of the way into dinner, I choked on the chicken and scalloped potatoes and water that all combined down the wrong pipe. I turned blue, did the universal choke signal as they all stared at me in panic, and then I threw up AAAALLLLLLL over the Elders, their suits, and my roomies brand new couch.
The good news is: The Elders had a great story to write home about, and my boyfriend kissed me right after (while I still had chunks on the corners of my mouth). TMI? That’s when I knew he was in love with me. (Awwww!)
The bad news is: I put the couch pillows outside later that night to air out and it rained. Ruining the covers. My roomie was so mad she kicked me out. Really. That’s how I ended up living in sin.
What I learned was: Chew / swallow carefully and maybe put off dinner parties until the “teen” part of saying your age officially falls off. I’m much at it now that I’m a mid-twenty.