Would you still have got as much time to yourself for getaways and running and looking as ‘put together’ as you do if your daughter stayed at home. obviously not, do you feel guilty about that?
I don’t feel guilty, and here is why…
I was given a very healthy and strong body. I am ever grateful for that healthy and strong body. And I show my gratitude by taking great care of it and using it in ways some people aren’t physically able to. Piper Jane wasn’t given a healthy or perfectly functioning body, and that is crappy. And for the life of me, I won’t ever be able to figure out why my little girl was chosen for such a big and hard job. All I can guess is that it’s because she is more special than the rest of us, and more awesome too. Don’t be jeal. So, baby girl Piper Jane? I run for you my little P-nut snack. I run twice the distance, for both of us. Mama loves you.
On the contrary, I would feel very, very, very (a million verys) guilty to waste such a healthy and strong body by couch potatoing it up. I was given a healthy body (remember?), running far and jumping high and loving all the places it takes me is how I show my gratitude for my unbelievably great fortune.
Next, I know multiple women who run marathons with kids at home. I dont think having kids means you don’t have time to work out. You can always find time to work out. You really can. And anyone who says otherwise is just making excuses, and I think most of them would even admit that. It’s good for us and also really important for a happy, healthy, long life. So there.
As for “getaways”. I don’t feel guilty, because I don’t think we do it too often. And the way I’m able to clear my head and relax and refresh for my hectic life is priceless. Because of our “getaways”, I am able to leave any stress in Blythedale’s parking lot, and have a perfect, fun, happy, lovable, cheesy, awesome visit with Piper Jane. I believe children have stress radar. Taking time for yourself and your marriage is important to be a good mom. And also Piper Jane is in very good hands with nurses who love her very very much.
When it comes to being “put together”, I don’t really spend that much time on my appearance actually. I put product in my hair after I shower and my make-up takes me literally 3 minutes to apply. Then I get dressed, because if I didn’t wear clothes I would get arrested, and that I actually don’t have time for. Having Piper Jane at home wouldn’t mean I’m moving to frump-city. I really seriously doubt I’d look any different.
In conclusion, I couldn’t disagree more with this question. And the “Obviously not” that was squeezed in made me feel like it was written with a very judging tone. There is a lot of guilt involved with having a child with special needs, but it’s more the kind of…why am I healthy, and she’s not? Why can’t I make her all better? I don’t think I should give up on things I love and curl into a ball of depressing sadness. I’m sorry if that’s what some people think I should be doing.
PS I don’t mean to be on a soap box, and I don’t mean to get defensive, I guess I just have never really been asked something like this before, and I was a little caught off guard. The questions that were semi judgmental about the way I dress or write and all that didn’t bother me at all, I guess because maybe I think they have a small point. But I’m very proud of myself (and not to mention, proud of my Jake) for how upbeat, positive and happy we have been considering our unique situation. And I just never really thought I should feel guilty about that. So, yeah, I’m going to defend that.
I’m not trying to attack the person who asked this question, I’m just trying to clear up how I feel just in case other people are thinking the same things.
Well, bye.
PS part two. Maybe I was asking for it by making formspring. and maybe I’m done with formspring.
wow, you were quite gracious to answer such a lousy question. this person must not be a mom! thanks for reflecting kindness in your response- it shows what kind of person you are! i think it’s fantastic you are so thankful for what you’ve been given- your health- and use it and your running talent to the best of your ability. more people should follow your lead!
wow i am so sorry that person asked that question; it was way (way!) out of line. you demonstrated so much grace and absolutely took the higher road by providing a thoughtful, respectful answer to such an uncalled for question. please do not think that others are thinking such negative thoughts. i truly believe the person who posed this is in a tiny (very tiny, very negative) minority, or represents the question of just him/herself and no one else. shame on them! you have so much class and are dealing with your situation with it. kudos to you.
Ugh, I knew someone would ask you that kind of question… You and your hubby, as ALL parents do, deserve to have time away to remember who YOU are and why you both like each other. Piper deserves to have happy parents who love each other and have FUN together. You are SO right to defend yourself on this.
You rock, lady!
You seem to handle all the stressors that your unique family situation hands you with just the right amount of humor and sensitivity it deserves. I am consistenely in awe.
ew. i do not like that person.
love you and your little family.
i love reading about your getaways. especially the ones to piper’s house. and the pictures are even better. if you weren’t so put together, i wouldn’t look. psych! i would totally look.
This is an AWESOME post. You are living your life just the way you should. Keep it up.
Much Love,
Tay
Yep, another internet troll. Trust me, like any mother, whatever you do you’ll do wrong for “someone.” Too much, too little. If Pip lived with you you’d get comments about why isn’t she in a medical facility and eew you’re so frumpy with her at home.
Cannot win with some people. Don’t let the turkeys get you down.
I think when there is a question there is no “right answer” to then it shouldn’t be asked or answered.
I am in the process of donating an organ to the husband of my son’s former 2nd grade teacher. Several people have asked me “Do you think it is right for you to risk the life of your son’s mother?” Clearly both answers suck and it is an emotional plea. Those people want you to make those decisions that they think they would make because it makes them more comfortable.
Also, I was the one who asked the “How can we help?” question. I hope I didn’t offend you but I know that the unexpected can happen and I personally would love to give to a medical trust for Pip. But I also understand it might have been rude and creepy. I apologize.
I think the person who left that question may be jealous over your awesome attitude AND your pretty face. And they may have a few overwhelming children(like me!) and think maybe they could do as well if they “just had time to themselves”. Sometimes I think that way too … but you are pretty because God made you pretty and you have an excellent attitude because you recognize you were chosen! So just feel sorry for that person but NOT sorry that you answered their question honestly. I LOVE this formspring thing you’re doing and I’d like to learn more about your daughter’s life because she is so rare. Rare in a lot of great ways.
Holy crap. For real? Someone thought that would be an OK way to phrase that question? I love “Tracie”‘s response by the way. Being a mom is hard and sometimes it looks like other people have it easier, but given the chance to trade….would any of us really do that? I doubt it. I really doubt it.
I am impressed you even answered this question. And in such a positive way. You are truly making the best of the situation. There is no doubt that Piper Jane is loved. A happy healthy mom is key. And no one wins when someone takes the role of martyr. Good for you for celebrating your strength.
Dear Odd Question/Obviously Not Person,
SHUT UP!
The end.
Wow… well, I’m glad that you chose to answer that question. Sadly I have to admit that I have sort of fallen into the “I don’t have time for myself” mom attitude more often that I should have. And it took me going on a spin on the “cancer carousel” to figure it out. Life is too short to not have fun, and not feel good about yourself, and to frump around. I am grateful to have a second chance, to have some hair on this once bald head, and my kid deserves to see a happy and healthy mom because I am, I am one of the lucky ones… thank you for your response. I needed to hear it!
What a wierdo! I love the way you answered. I would feel the same and i think it’s amazing that you make the most of your life for yourselves. You still count too! And for Piper. Go Breinholt’s. xx
Reagan-listen up. You’re just wonderful-spirited, cheeky, engaging, and obviously making the most of life. The fact that you’re well-dressed and lovely has nothing to do, really, with Piper, her illness, or your motherhood. You’re a mother, whether you do it in fat pants or Bottega Venata, and the merest suggestion that your wearing of clothes that make you (and the rest of us) smile is something to feel guilty about is, well—flat-out-baloney. Why is it even a choice? And to the author of this question: something tells me that Reagan would trade not only her entire wardrobe, but every last good hair day she’s due for just ONE weekend “getaway” with her daughter. BOOYAH!
bless your little big heart
it makes me so sad when people disguise hatred with humor or silly questions like this. so sad for that person to feel the need to bring you down. i love reading your blog and all of the sweet silly things you say about p.janey. so obvious how much you love her.
i would be that disgusting greasy ball of overweight sadness and what good does that do for anyone?
keep on doing what you do. you are wonderful.
I read the post and I just feel compelled to respond. For one I cannot stand how rude this question is, rude rude rude! (I like to repeat myself when outraged) For 2, I am a mom to 4 boys, all 6 and under, and I train for and do tiathalons. I do occasionally feel guilty dropping my babies off at the gym play place, but for one kids need interaction outside of the family and for two, running, swimming and biking make me a better, more sane mom. Being a mom has to be the hardest job in the world and if you don’t do something for yourself how can you ben any good for your kids? Plus, I don’t look great everyday, but I do try to paint the barn at least a bit everyday. And now on to point 3, I haven’t been reading your blob for long, and I have never even met Piper, yet that little girl makes me melt. I live in Az, it is hot here and I run in it, but that Piper makes me melt! I cannot imagine the strength it takes for you to have to leave that little girl at the end of a visit and go on with your life. I admire your strength and good attitude in the face of a very tough situation. You and your husband must be pretty amazing people.
Wow! Amazing answer to a seemingly attacking question! I love how you classify your ordeal as a unique situation! While reading your response it just clarified for me that in my mind there are two different types of people in this world. Those who play the victim by wrong doings or unfortunate circumstances, and the survivors. You and Jake are totally survivors!
You are my hero. Next time I feel ready to lash out at someone for being insensitive, I’m going to think, “No way – I’m going to be classy, like Reagan.” Thank you for being so poised in the face of such a frustrating internet monster.
Reags, you don’t have to be defensive. Moms are always being challenged about why they do what they do. Too bad we don’t know everything about the anonymous questioner so we could analyze him/her and see how he/she measures up! The only One who has a right to make anyone feel guilty is God…and He only does it to get us to turn to Him. (Try not to remember all the times I’ve laid a guilt trip on you, should there have been any…speaking of which, when are you going to move back to Utah? hahaha! ) Piper is blessed to have you and Jake as her parents; any child would be.
p.s. Don’t even get me started on the poor grammar and sentence structure of the obnoxious question?!
Reagan, you rock. Disregard that question. You don’t have to defend yourself.
But I will. I’m a mother three children. My oldest son is six and has Down syndrome, and I have five-year-old twins. My oldest son has had open-heart surgery, leukemia, and countless other little illnesses and surgical procedures throughout his life. But somehow I’ve eeked out the time to train for a handful of 1/2 marathons, a full marathon, several other races, and a couple CrossFit competitions. And this winter? I’m running an ultra.
So if I can make all of that work out plus be a mother my kids and a wife to my husband and a daughter to my parents and an aunt to my nephews and nieces and still look presentable and volunteer at school… then, yeah, lay off Reagan. She’s doing the best she can with the hand she’s been dealt. And that’s all any of us can hope to do.
you and your beautiful self answered this ridiculous question beautifully.
P.S. my daughter has really skinny legs that make her feet look big
, don’t you think it is the cutest thing ever?
I am a mom to three young ones. And I am training for my first Ironman (I’ve been competing in triathlons for 10 years now). People ask me all the time how do I find the time. I make it happen. It is important to me. It keeps me sane. Moms need their alone time. It makes us better people. To our children and our spouses. Why feel guilty about that? xoxo
What a sad person, to have to ask a question like this in such an obviously self-reflective way (and with such incredibly poor punctuation!). I have a lot of pity for someone who’s clearly uncomfortable with themselves and their level of productivity/accomplishments. Perhaps they’d sell one of their own children into a life of hardship for your ability to look “put together.” This “reader” needs to work on their comprehension of what you express in your blog: dedicated love for your daughter. I applaud you for your sunshine!!
I will admit when I first started reading your blog, I felt a little judgey myself. But then I thought about it and realized it was more about me feeling guilty about how I handled things myself and I shouldn’t feel either thing. I have a chronically ill child myself, so I reflected back to when he was born and realized we did really the same thing but in an acute situation. For six weeks, we awoke (showered and gasp! put on make-up), went to the hospital at 8am, stayed until noon, went about the city (we didn’t live there normally), came back about three, stayed until 9, went to dinner, went to our temporary home and woke up the next day and did it again. We even occasionally went all the way home for the weekend. You can’t care for a sick child if you don’t keep yourself well. I would guess the person who asked that question has no experience with anything close to your situation and my snap judgment of the question was that this person is struggling to manage motherhood and abusing you to make herself feel better about that. Don’t take it to heart.
I think you handled this crappy question just great! I read your blog weekly and I am so impressed on how you handle and juggle your situation! It’s very plain to see in black and white what great parents you are to Piper! She is very lucky to have you. My aunt and uncle have a special needs child. No one could possibly ever know what you or anyone with such unique circumstances goes through until they have walked in those shoes! I commend you and Jake for being such great parents to such a beautiful little girl!
whatever the above suckers say, I feel that you do spend a very minute portion of time with your daughter you surely can do better than 3 visits a week (if that) between your frequent vacations, running around and so on. and if you really believe the nurses love your daughter sooo much, you need to grow up, they are only doing their job as well as they can.the child looks unhappy pls do find out if its bcos she is or due to the morphological features of the unfortunate disease she suffers from. my heart goes out to the wee piper she is adorable.is there any hope that she may be able to come home at some point in the future?