Would you still have got as much time to yourself for getaways and running and looking as ‘put together’ as you do if your daughter stayed at home. obviously not, do you feel guilty about that?
I don’t feel guilty, and here is why…
I was given a very healthy and strong body. I am ever grateful for that healthy and strong body. And I show my gratitude by taking great care of it and using it in ways some people aren’t physically able to. Piper Jane wasn’t given a healthy or perfectly functioning body, and that is crappy. And for the life of me, I won’t ever be able to figure out why my little girl was chosen for such a big and hard job. All I can guess is that it’s because she is more special than the rest of us, and more awesome too. Don’t be jeal. So, baby girl Piper Jane? I run for you my little P-nut snack. I run twice the distance, for both of us. Mama loves you.
On the contrary, I would feel very, very, very (a million verys) guilty to waste such a healthy and strong body by couch potatoing it up. I was given a healthy body (remember?), running far and jumping high and loving all the places it takes me is how I show my gratitude for my unbelievably great fortune.
Next, I know multiple women who run marathons with kids at home. I dont think having kids means you don’t have time to work out. You can always find time to work out. You really can. And anyone who says otherwise is just making excuses, and I think most of them would even admit that. It’s good for us and also really important for a happy, healthy, long life. So there.
As for “getaways”. I don’t feel guilty, because I don’t think we do it too often. And the way I’m able to clear my head and relax and refresh for my hectic life is priceless. Because of our “getaways”, I am able to leave any stress in Blythedale’s parking lot, and have a perfect, fun, happy, lovable, cheesy, awesome visit with Piper Jane. I believe children have stress radar. Taking time for yourself and your marriage is important to be a good mom. And also Piper Jane is in very good hands with nurses who love her very very much.
When it comes to being “put together”, I don’t really spend that much time on my appearance actually. I put product in my hair after I shower and my make-up takes me literally 3 minutes to apply. Then I get dressed, because if I didn’t wear clothes I would get arrested, and that I actually don’t have time for. Having Piper Jane at home wouldn’t mean I’m moving to frump-city. I really seriously doubt I’d look any different.
In conclusion, I couldn’t disagree more with this question. And the “Obviously not” that was squeezed in made me feel like it was written with a very judging tone. There is a lot of guilt involved with having a child with special needs, but it’s more the kind of…why am I healthy, and she’s not? Why can’t I make her all better? I don’t think I should give up on things I love and curl into a ball of depressing sadness. I’m sorry if that’s what some people think I should be doing.
PS I don’t mean to be on a soap box, and I don’t mean to get defensive, I guess I just have never really been asked something like this before, and I was a little caught off guard. The questions that were semi judgmental about the way I dress or write and all that didn’t bother me at all, I guess because maybe I think they have a small point. But I’m very proud of myself (and not to mention, proud of my Jake) for how upbeat, positive and happy we have been considering our unique situation. And I just never really thought I should feel guilty about that. So, yeah, I’m going to defend that.
I’m not trying to attack the person who asked this question, I’m just trying to clear up how I feel just in case other people are thinking the same things.
Well, bye.
PS part two. Maybe I was asking for it by making formspring. and maybe I’m done with formspring.
As I read your response to that clearly rude and hurtful question I found myself wishing that I had the strength and grace you do….nicely done!!
As a side note, my daughter who is 7 found me reading your blog this morning and climbed up into my lap saying “Why didn’t you tell me you were reading about Piper?”….she has been hooked ever since I found your blog about a month ago and loves to see and hear about what Pip is up to. You have touched so many people in so many ways, Reagan. Keep it up! We love Pip and wish we could just scoop her up and give her a big kiss!
Thank you,
Nicki
Dear Reagan, If we could, all of us who love you would join hands and we’d all give YOU the biggest hug EVER. Please don’t pay attention to the occasional person who asks you a rude question. Just think of all of the rest of us who think you are a very sweet mama who takes great care of herself and is an inspiration. With love, Linda P. (I have a special needs adult child.)
You’re awesome!!! I can’t agree with you more. These special needs children were so special before they came to this earth that this is how they are protected. I feel it an honor to be in their precense.
Keep rockin’ girl!!!
Bravo! I’m not really sure how you could not feel judged by this question. I wonder.. does the questioner (is that even a word) ask the same thing of moms that exercise regularly, take weekend jaunts, and gussy themselves up, but are lucky to actually HAVE their child live with them? I’m going to go ahead and say it would be a resounding NO. Lame!
I get judgmental comments and such from people because I have one kid. They think that I am selfish in not having more. But what they dont know is that the one that I had is a true blessing. (All children are, whether you have 1 or 7) But I cant have more. I dont feel like I need to defend that either.
I have three kids. I didn’t move to frump-city. I run about 20 miles a week and when I get dressed every morning, well….I look damn good. Don’t be jeal.
Whoever asked this question is probably stumpy, stubby and not happy with life in general.
You my dear, are fabulous. And Pip? Well, she is adorable and so blessed to have a happy mommy and daddy.
I think someone drank too much hatarade. hahaha……sorry. :/
I’m off to run…in honor of the Pipsqueak! Booyah.
First, i think you are gorgeous, amazing, inspiring and the list could just keep on rolling. I am sorry that someone would ask you such a question. At the same time, i have to wonder if maybe the person asking the question truly did word their question poorly (very poorly) and was sincerely wondering if you ever struggle with feelings of guilt. Perhaps she is a mom and struggles with guilt while raising her own child. Yes, i am totally fishing and giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I guess I just don’t understand how someone could be so harsh. And I also don’t want you to feel like this is how people see you (obvious now from the hundred plus comments). You are one special family!
The truth is, no one can ever really understand a situation until they are in that situation themselves, which makes all of us usually very ignorant. And boy what a tiresome hobby to judge and snark at people.I mean honestly, and lets just be honest here, blogs/blobs are about oneself and the good things about said self, and usually everyone, including me, tries to project the best of oneself on the blogs. I think it brightens peoples days to read about others who have great ideas, outlooks, and things to say on life. Who would want to read a blog about all the bad days everyone has (yuck, not me). So Reagan I would have been defensive too, I mean come on, to judge that you would be someone totally different if your child had different circumstances is absurd. We are who we are, no one defines us. I can’t imaging how hard it is some days to maybe still get up and get dressed because you may be feeling down on life and what it’s handed to you. So good for you for always looking great and dressing that lil Pip to the nines! And again…since we’re being honest and all…you did ask for it ha ha ha. Letting people ask you anything and everything usually means you will get some lemons out of the bunch, HA!
I am one more person who would like to agree that this question is absurd! It’s apparent from your blob that you are living the very best life you can with what life has presented YOU. I think you answered it well, and also could have said, “Yes, I would still run and look nice, no matter what the situation.” And that would have been enough info for Blunt Bobbie over there.
Running and caring about how you look helps makes you the very best person you can be, and that is part of what makes you a fantastic mom and wife. Well done to you!
Holy guilt trip, Batman!
You know how when you get on a plane, they give you the “oh crap” card (aka Safety Procedures Just In Case)? It says, “Put your oxygen mask on first before attending to others.” Not because you’re more important than anybody else, but because you can’t care for anyone else if you don’t properly care for yourself. Being a mother is putting on the oxygen mask – you gotta keep your O2 high so you can help others when they need it.
I made a promise to myself when that first pink line showed on the pregnancy stick: a happy mom makes for a happy family. Nourish yourself so you can nourish them.
And for the love of Pete, throw Qs like this in the trash can. It’s every mother’s sore spot, and there are some who like to poke another’s spot so their own doesn’t feel so bad. Motherhood is not a competition, and neither is womanhood.
(PS: for another love of Pete – don’t stop the formspring questions. Reading about The Courtship of Jake & Reagan had me cracking up, and I love Pip details. And Pip. And Pip’s amazing parents.)
You fielded that question beautifully, Reagan. I have always told my children: You were not put here to play somebody else’s game. You’re here to play YOUR GAME to the best of your ability, and we will all face God with what we’ve done with the talents He bestowed upon us.
You’re doing very well with the talents He bestowed on you, and I am glad for you. Also you’re handling with no detectable self-pity a trial and a burden that would lay most of us low.
Hooray for love! Hooray for precious children! Hooray for life!
I forgot to mention that it takes just as much time to shop for frumpy clothes as it does pretty clothes and ugly hair and makeup takes just as long to do as kept hair and makeup. I just wish you were here to show me how to make my curly hair look as effortless as yours does.
God expects you and Jake to take care of yourself and your marriage for Piper. The stronger the two of you are then stronger Pip will be.
Oops! I messed up on my first comment so my next comment is confusing. Gotta go pickup my special boy from school or I would retype it.
Love,
Trey’s mom.
Hi Reagan,
I absolutely love love love your response to this rather unpleasant and narrow-minded question.
I would only hope that if I have a child someday, I will be able to remember your very wise words. Thank you for putting your thoughts, opinions and experiences out there for us not so experienced ones to learn from.
I am most scared to have a child because I worry I will not be the best mom for my child. You are setting a wonderful example.
And it shows in the way the pip looks at you. She knows you are soaking up the world so that you can bring it to her in the way you love her. And the same goes for your lovely husband.
So, baby girl Piper Jane? I run for you my little P-nut snack. I run twice the distance, for both of us. Mama loves you
Might just be the sweetest thing I ever heard/read.
love it.
Hi there.
First, don’t listen to the haters. Not worth it.
Second, I have a question. I saw in one pictures how you have a tub of toys for Piper and a chair with her name on it at Blythdale. I would love to hear about how you make Blythdale a home for her.
Best,
JH
@A: Love the oxygen mask analogy! Right on!
You were given a stack of cards that a lot of people wouldn’t be able to play. The Pipster needs a mom and dad who are both at 110% because she can’t be. I so admire your ability to make lemonade out of lemons and to really live your life because not everyone has the opportunity. You make the decisions that are right for you. They may not be the same decisions that every single other person would handle things, but from my seat- I applaud you for staying healthy and happy and giving that little girl every part of you. You’re a tenacious woman and who wouldn’t want that for a mama?
*I also find that most questions of this nature are coming from someone who is struggling with self-doubt about something in their own world. I always ask how I would feel if someone said what I wrote to my face. Then I decide whether to post or not.
Reagan, it looks like a million people have already said something about this. But I just wanted to pipe in as well. My sister and I were actually talking about you the other day. About how you handle your life. How you work, and go on vacations, and do so many things. And, how hard it would be to leave your sweet girl. We thoroughly decided, hands down, that you HAVE to be able to do those things! Why sit around and feel sorry for yourself? Enjoy this beautiful life, and that beautiful girl. You are doing a fine job. Life’s too short to waste away.
You go girl! You are the cutest.
oh my, some people’s kids!! i fee bad for the person who posted that comment. they must be miserable in the drudgery of wife/motherhood. i have 4 kids, a husband AND a life! i run LOTS, and i compete in triathlons. i do this because it keeps me SANE. an onery mommy makes for onery kids. i have a chronic disease that steals my energy and some days my will to get out of bed, but i am happy for the health of my children and husband. i am not ugly either, but who does it help to look like a hag all day, and let myself get fat because i don’t feel good? NOBODY. don’t ever apologize for the blessings God has given you. don’t apologize for living life to the fullest, and don’t ever say you’re sorry for LOOKING GREAT!
Good for you! I can’t believe people are actually that rude. Does it mean you should look ugly and like a martyr for people to think you care?
You are awesome… and anyone that follows your blog knows that
I’ve never commented here before, but I can’t keep my mouth closed on this one. What kind of question is this?!? I am going to be totally judgmental here and guess that it was written by a very unhappy person. I am so glad that you take care of the body you have been given. I think you are fabulous example to all of us of doing that. As for the “getaway” bit, I contend that couples should always squeeze out time and money for such things; I call it paying marriage insurance premiums. And no one should feel guilty about protecting their marriage!
I have two kids, and funny enough I excerise every day, I try and look cute every day(wish I was as naturally pretty as you!), for me that takes effort and time. Was this a real question? It doesn’t make sense at all. I can tell you spend as much time with you Pip as you can! Even if she was with you at home, trust me, you would still run,look fab.,take Jake and you trips. Every one does it, and no one should stop living life when they have kids! Kids just make life greater, they don’t make life stop!
P.s. I have a feeling even if you didn’t wear make up, or wear the cutest clothes ever, you would still be naturally beautiful inside and out!
I am pretty sure if you had your wonderful amazing child at home you would still look fab and you would still take “getaways” with your hubs. We all need a break and we are better mamas for it. Good for you for defending yourself….its hard for someone to understand that doesn’t fit into your shoes!!
With Love and tons of admiration from another mama….
Jessica
You have absolutely no reason to justify what you do and when. It is so easy to say what we would do, and how we would perfectly handle a situation in one form or another. Until we get put in one. You seem like a sweetie, and Pip is super duper lucky to have a mama who loves her as much as you do!
I am so glad you got on the soapbox! What a ridiculous question/comment!! You look amazing and mothers should not let themselves go when they have children. It’s so important to stay mentally and physically healthy for yourself and them.
There are some real jerkwads out there, you know? You answered this perfectly, even though you didn’t have to. You don’t owe an explanation to anyone.
While I was mulling this over today, everyone else said what I was thinking:)
Also, except for some obvious places, kids can go where you go. (Yes, I am one of those people who takes my kid to everything) I hope Piper gets that chance soon!
Love Ya
Wow, that person is a HOLE. You are amazing and believe me, I have no kids and I never look HALF as awesome as you do. Plus, I’m sorry, does that woman think it’s a picnic to drive to and from a hospital at least five times a week? Just ignore. She is JEAL.
Piper is adorable. Thanks for showing us the monkey card.
Oh, and I for one LOVE your writing. (And I’m a writer. I get paid for it and everything. So there! : )
im thinking the person who wrote this is couch-potatoing it up all over the place.
(thats 4 comments on your blog for me in the last 5 mins. im out)
Yes I agree the question was written by someone bitter and someone that needs to take better care of her or himself so they have a better self-esteem. I’m a fairly new reader, I’m a runner as of March of this year and I have found a new love. I am also a mother of four young children, the oldest (he’s 9) whom I homeschool, and the youngest (who’s 2) whom I’m toilet training.
My husband and I take time to run or play basketball or softball or do whatever we love. He’s currently away at Fire Academy on weekends.
I love thrifting and dressing up and I think it’s important for my kids to know Mommy takes care of herself.
I learned the hard way when my first was young that neglecting yourself only leads to sadness. Sorry such a long comment but I can’t believe how many rude and hateful people are on the interweb!
Love all your blogs. Thanks for sharing your life with us!
Reagan, don’t let people who can’t sort out their own lives get you down. I would say that the person who wrote that is someone who struggles just to get dressed in the morning, and is completely jealous of how great you and Jake are coping with a situation much harder than theirs.
I’ve been reading your blog for a little while now, but I just wanted to say that I think you and Jake are amazing parents, and the fact that you are so upbeat and happy (when a lot of people would crumble in a heap in the same situation), gives me more reason to be happy and stop grumbling about things that really aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. I think you guys are inspiring that you CAN and DO keep it all together (and look great doing it too – LOL).
I think you are inspiring… don’t let negative and nasty nellies try and take away your happiness – there’s always one in every crowd
You are awesome! (she, he, it… is just trying to project their problems on your life… shame on them.)
Sorry, this question has made me so mad.. I’m going to comment again – LOL!
You know, I have kids too, and my hubby and I make time to get away just the two of us every now and then. I have people who give me a hard time about that, but I don’t think it makes ANYBODY a bad parent to need time away from their kids, regardless of the situation. Otherwise you’re going to be so grumpy (like the question asker) that your kids are going to be miserable living with you anyway, so why not get away every now and then to give yourselves a break??
Also, anyone who has kids would find it hard to even IMAGINE not being able to bring their child home from hospital. Did they think of that? Isn’t that in itself is hard enough, let alone having to deprive yourself of everything else as well? Looking and feeling good about yourself are huge things that affect your self esteem, and making the effort pays off for everyone else around you.
Honestly, you’re younger than me and you look great and you cope so well with everything… Sometimes I look and think bad about myself and “why can’t I be like that” type of deal… But seriously, mostly it just makes me more motivated to get up and do something! I seriously don’t think you know how much of an inspiration you are to so many of us, and some people just can’t stand that people who are happy are “real” and CAN do it all.
Did any of that make sense – LOL! Anyway, don’t change your sunny outlook on life because of mean people ((HUGS))
You are awesome mama. I have a 3.3yr old at home, and I still manage to marathon train and to dress up and look cute. When I don’t run and don’t dress up & instead lounge in sweats it is rarely because I am too busy being a mom but more so to do with just being lazy. So you 100% correct-o mundo in your soapbox, those who choose to live in frumptown & in mom jeans are deciding to do that…but it is really hard for them to see it for themselves. You & your husband are extra-ordinary parents and that I think is in part because of your munchkin, she is quite EXTAR-Ordinary
xoxoxox
You’re the best, Reagan! Really and truly wonderful and so full of life. What an odd AND VERY RUDE and thoughtless question from an obviously ignorant and jealous person. You answered so well and so perfectly. Here I am touched by your answer all the way on the other side of the continent. Well done! WELL SAID.
Whoa, what a snarky person. Shake them haters off, gal. Your family is awesome. Say hello to Piper!!!
Stereotyping is what the person asking the question did. Someone who thinks you give up some of yourself to be a mom. Actually, I believe it’s all a matter of standards. You see, I grew up on farm. My mom dressed gorgeously (lots of ruffles and mostly home made!) and ALWAYS did her hair and her makeup and most of the time she didn’t see anybody but us kids and the horses and the milk cow.
Standards.
I have lived that way also and passed it on to my two daughters who are probably a couple years older than you. They are runners! They go places with their husbands (weekend get-aways and more – they swap kids for babysitting) and they each have four children who are all at home AND they always look fabulous. Them and their kids. They are amazing women. Like you.
You are “Grace under pressure.” I only wish I had your healthy attitude.
Stay with here, this is a longer response, but it does make it’s point and it’s a good ending thanks to you, Jake, and Piper.
My situation is very different from yours. Eight months after we were married we moved my then 84 year old Mother, with Alzheimer’s in with us. We are committed to caring for her at home. Here we are 9 years later. Mom needs 24/7 care and even at night we sleep with our bedroom door open, one eye open, and ears on high alert for anything. I gave up my career as a social worker, and the exec. dir. of a nonprofit to stay home and care for Mom. Suddenly we found ourselves living thing called the “Sandwish Generation.”
Dates with my husband? I don’t remember what those are. I do sneak off once a year to NYC to visit my oldest son. However, a trip like this involves paying for one of my sisters to come to Seattle, and then they also expect to be paid, in cash, for caring for Mom.
Something I do from my heart, for free, they want me to pay them for. Last March we paid one of themto come sit for 5 days while we went to visit my husband’s parents in Austin amd see my son who was performing at the SXSW festival, and that was the last straw for both of us with my siblings.
I read your blog and I find joy. I find laughter. I find the cutest little Pip ever! You brighten my day.
I also want to add that even with what I have going on in my own life I dress. I pride myself on being a fashionista. I love clothes and I wear them as like you I prefer to be arrested–that I do not have time for. I don’t make it to the gym as often as I would like but I do Yoga and kettleballs at home with my Wii Fit. You are absolutely right, it is all possible you just have to make the effort and make it work.
I think you and Jake are amazing. You have a sick child, which has got to be one f the worst feelings ever, yet, you live life to the fullest and as you said you do it all so you can be the best parents ever to your Piper Jane.
People not in these situations, of caring for someone sick, have no idea how stressful it really is. They have no idea how much we need a break now and again. Downtime to refuel.
I applaud you. I love your family.
–Thorney
good job.
graciously well put
seriously, none of your other readers think like her
I haven’t read all the comments, so sorry if this is duplicated like a million times. But, as a mother of 2 girls…I really feel like taking TIME for myself, and CARE of myself, is one of the best gifts I can give to them. It requires me to get up at 6 am most mornings to fit my run in, but it’s worth sacrificing some sleep to have the energy and ability to keep up with them every day…or run with them at the park…or take them on a hike…or anything else I WANT to do with them. The body is an amazing thing, but you can’t really enjoy that amazingness if you’re not taking care of it. Bravo for your example and standing up for your decisions. You are doing what is right for you and your family and that’s all that matters!
Reagan,
8 years ago, my sister was involved in a tragic automobile accident. She had just graduated from medical school, was working as a doctor, had just gotten engaged to be married and had her whole life ahead of her. She was not expected to live as they life flighted her to the hospital. Her fiance died 10 days after fighting for his life in ICU. My sister astounded all of the medical staff and lived. However, she was left completely paralyzed from the neck down.
I used to run daily. I had a very difficult time on my runs after her accident. I felt guilty. I didn’t think I should be able to do something if she couldn’t. I had taken my kids to the park to play and I ended up in a pool of tears as I thought about my sister and her fiance and how they would never experience watching their children play at a park, etc. The next day when I went to visit my sister in the hospital, she asked me, “What’s wrong?” She could tell I had been crying with my obvious big, red, puffy eyes. I told her that I can’t run anymore. It isn’t fair that I can run and she can’t. I told her I can’t watch my kids play at the park because I feel guilty. I have never forgotten what she said to me. She told me that it isn’t going to help her any for me to waste away what I could be doing. She told me it was more of an insult to her if I had a body I could be using, but didn’t. And she said, “If I had a body that worked, I would be out there running. You should run. Don’t stop living your life just because I can’t do certain things anymore.”
It changed my whole outlook.
Instead of feeling guilty for being active and doing things, I felt guilty if I didn’t– because I COULD.
And I love that you say you run for both you and Piper.
Way to go!! You keep running!
How lame, how totally lame that you can have so much positivity coming your way and so many people that love you and you can somehow get that one comment that is just so irkish.
Reagan, you give me DAILY inspiration. I think you’re GREAT. You shouldn’t feel guilty about ANYTHING. But then again, I hope you already know that.
My daughters and I love looking at your blog. I will see one of your hilarious photos of Pip and then I’ll read your caption and my smile will just grow that much bigger.
All of our love to you and the Pipee girl.
xo
Sister you know how to be SUPER nice. It would be easier to read this blog if you were ugly, The Pip were at home, and you were crying by her bed all day long. Or… you could just not post crazy people questions because I may take up stalking them instead of you. (The people, not the questions)
Beautifully written! I couldn’t agree more. And I think a very important point that ‘the questioner’ should remember is that you would give everything up in an instant just to have your Pippy at home, and for her to be healthy. But it’s not like you have a choice in the matter. Maybe they don’t realize that Pippy can’t come home and that you just choose to have someone else take care of her…but I think it should be obvious to that person (if they actually read your blob and saw how much you adore her & fight for her) that if she could come home, you’d have her home:)
Stay Strong! There will always be people who judge you, but I’m sure there are more people who look up to you!
I have been reading your blob for quite some time and have never commented. But I just wanted to let you know, you and your adorable little family are such an inspiration. I admire your strength and courage and the way you handled that absurd and unecessary question with such grace only confirms that further.
Please don’t stop doing what you’re doing. I love your blob just the way it is! Oh and that Pip, she is the most adorable and sweetest blessing and I can just see the love overflowing in the pictures of you all.
oh and p.s….as other readers have already pointed out, I have a feeling is doesn’t take too much effort for you to look so beautiful and put together, you’re a natural.
I love it that you went from like 10 comments to almost 200 on this one!!
I think most of us want to say, you’re beautiful, you’re a great mom and please please ignore this person!! 
Reagan,
Why should you quit living your life just because your situation is different. Pip needs a mom who is on top of her game, as you clearly are. The way you handle your sweet families situation is remarkable and anyone could learn a lesson about making the best out of a tough situation from you and Jake. You are right, Pip was sent to this body because she is just too special to be tarnished from this world. She is an incredible blessing and you and Jake are a such a blessing for her. Don’t let what other people say get you down, just handle it with grace as you did here. I wish I had half the amount of grace as you do.