To help us cope with the aftermath of insecurities since being burgled (at least they gave us a funny word to use!), Jake and I have created a little game called “Things the burglar took/didn’t take”. Basically we don’t look for anything anymore. If it isn’t in our vision the second we need it, it was burgled.
“The burglar took our cereal bowls!”
“The burglar didn’t replace the toilet paper roll!”
“The burglar took my lace skirt!”
And then other times we’ll find things that are so valuable that we just can’t believe anyone in their right mind would pass them up.
“Jake, the burglar didn’t take my VHS of The Little Mermaid. He must not have known it’s a Disney Classic!”
“The burglar forgot to take our coasters, Reags!”
Here are a few other things he didn’t take.
My beloved wooden duck in a rain slicker, bonnet and galoshes. Thanks for looking over this one, stupid! You clearly don’t know the value of a good fake animal in rain gear. Once I realized we had had a break-in, I looked up to the top of my bookcase in a panic to see him standing there, proud and strong.
I know this book doesn’t look like much….
..but when you open it there are bushels of treasures inside. My coffee talk glasses, a polaroid of me and pip snuggling, TWO kinds of tea, and 10$ for an emergency sushi delivery. Mr. Big Tough Burglar thought it was just a plain boring book about words! Stupid!
Unfortunately, the jokes end here. I’m afraid I now have to list some things that weren’t so lucky.
The cord to my iPhone plug. Sniffles.
My other striped sock.
Another thing I’ve been doing, is saging the apartment. You light some sage and walk through your home letting the smoke get rid of all the bad energy. I don’t know if it’s real, but it’s a really nice thought!
So I’ve been saging the place any time I start to feel bad. The other night I saged while Jake was at work. When it was done, I put it in a little glass bowl to cool off. I didn’t see that there was one tiny ember still going strong. A few hours later I was practically choking from the brush fire smoke in my apartment. I went in the kitchen and half the bunch had burned down! It is still extremely smoky smelling and all our clothes stink.
Back fire!
LOL. Yay, positive attitude!
Glad to see your cute duck is still around. And now all your readers know to be on the lookout for a shady looking character with one striped sock. (Not you…the burglar, ha)
I desperately want that duck. You are so lucky it wasn’t ME doing the burgling, because the duck would be mine!
(I kid, I kid… I stole two jelly beans from a candy store when I was twelve and was terrified for days that the feds were on my tail. So there will be no burgling on my resume; my little heart just can’t handle the stress.)
Happy to see you’re looking at the humorous side of things, and that your duck made it through the experience unscathed.
I’m also pretty sure my house got burgled last night because when I got up this morning there was no TP on the roll. Bah.
I have always wanted a duck like that! I had a friend growing up that had one made of concrete on her front porch. Her mom would dress it up for all of the seasons and holidays. I was so distraught when my mom said we couldn’t have one.
We were burgled a few years ago. Our running joke is that when we walk into the house and it’s a mess I yell “we’ve been robbed! oh…wait”.
It’s a weird feeling and I still have the odd dream to this day. So violating. My worst/funniest moment was with the cutie police officer – we went out onto my deck (they left via our bedroom patio doors) and there were numerous pairs of my undies laying all over the deck. Not cute ones either. ugh.
Leave it to you guys to always ALWAYS take a negative and spin some positives. Thanks for your constant example.
Look on the bright side of the whole sage situation…..EVERYTHING is thoroughly cleansed
.
fool! not taking that duck in rain gear!
the cord to your iphone charger, really?! that’s so random.
i’m still pissed about this.
sage away!
you just called out your dumbass burlar in THE best way.
I like everyone else who has made a comment have been burglered as well. Most recently someone broke into my brand new car and caused over $2000 worth of damage. Blah!
Any ways, I’ve been thinking that this could of been an inside job. Someone who might of known you were going out of town?? Just rather random some of the items they took. I promise it wasn’t me I live in Atlanta, GA! Keep on keepin on!
Have you ever seen the Dane Cook skit on “doing a B&E”? He talks about how he always wanted to break and enter someone’s home, just kick down the door, and take….nothing. So 10 years down the line the couple would be going mad…”AHHHHH WHAT THE HELL DID THEY TAKE?!?!?!”. This reminds me of you. maybe that’s not so nice, but it’s meant to be funny!
Also, I sage my house all the time. I live in an old carriage house in PA, and we definitely have some “unwanted guests” in the form of ghosts from the graveyard a block away…Sage the place up and things get light and airy again
Anyway, link to the Dane Cook skit in question —> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb3rHVci3hA
it isn’t censored, so if you have delicate ears, youtube the censored version
I can just see you explaining the rancid thick smoke to Jake when he came home from work:
You: ‘well, I was trying to remove the evil from the apt – well, yes, this smokey smell is pretty evil, too – no, Jake, I don’t think YOU are evil – yes, you’re right, your clothes DO smell kinda evil…’
Long live the DUCK! p.s. when you’re joking, you’re healing.
It was me who stole your other sock… Sorry. you know me and socks.
I have been looking for someone who still has vhs capabilities. I have several videos from when my kids were younger have been trying to give away. While they can never replace what was burgled, perhaps they could be viewed as the universe giving back for your viewing pleasure? I have: the original and remake of Miracle on 34th Street, the Black Stallion; It’s a Wonderful Life; The Lion King; Disney’s Cinderella; Oliver! (digitally remastered 30th anniversary edition!); Snow White and 7 Dwarves; A Little Princess; The Princess Bride; The Sound of Music; Disney’s Iron WIll; Disney’s101 Dalmatians (animated); LIttle House on the Prairie “A Matter of Faith” and “The GIft”; The Iron Giant. I would happily pack them up and send them to you, no charges involved. It would just be nice to know someone may actually enjoy still viewing them.
This post craaaaaaaaacked me up! Also, please remember to tell Jake that it wasn’t youuuu who burned too much sage and almost set the place on flames; it was the burglar, silly.
I like Kelly’s Dane Cook story (and I don’t really like Dane Cook). That would be hilarious. I think if I were to ever break and enter, I’d switch around the utensils drawer. Man, that would p*ss me off if someone did that to me. “That’s cleaaaarly where the forks belong, why are there spoons there! Blasted burglar!!!”
Being burgled is always scary; especially knowing someone had been in your home and had gone through your things.
Have you thought about dedicating your home, or giving your home a blessing? ..just a thought.
Sending you ((HUGS)) to you and your family to soon feel safe at home.
A
Our apartment got burgled while we were gone for Christmas. This last Sunday, I invited my best pals over for a House Cleansing- we ate comfort food (funeral potatoes!) and got all the bad juju out of our house! It’s a process but hope that you too are getting back into the habit of feeling safe and cozy in your home again. <3
I really hope the burglar didn’t take your beautiful Jonathan Adler lamp from your home office!
Love reading your blog. You will start to feel safe again in time, but I’ve been burgled too and it is violating. Thanks for sharing your life on your blog, I enjoy it all the way from Australia xo
Hey Reagan! I’ve been reading your blog for a long time now but
just wanted you to know this post made me laugh out loud.
I linked back to it today on my blog just to spread some good cheer.
Sorry it is at the expense of you guys getting burgled.
Tanda @ The Maguire House
I’d like to see the negative energy that would try to get into your kitchen now. HA!
The crappy ass burglar did not take your sense of humor!
Im not going to lie, I would have taken your duck. I would.
If I were the type to break into someones house. But im not.
So, i wont be taking it.
But i think the humorous approach you have taken is great.
I love sage and keep it in the house for “just because” moments too. When I light it and swiril it aound everywhere if makes me feel calm and I feel the energy in the house calming–meaning that I use it after the rocket scientist and I have argued or disagreed on something. Love it.
–Mari
I just googled myself, because my house is a huge mess and I have nothing better to do, I read your post about coming to Michigan and it made me smile and laugh about my butt dial… he listened to the whole schpill….. and obviously it didn’t work to get him back, but thank god!! haha (I tried to comment on that post but it wouldn’t let me)