A photo, so you can imagine what I looked like while I spewed accidental vulgarness from my trap.
The first question I’ll be answering is about my most embarrassing moment. I don’t think I’ve ever written this down on my blob, but if I have then I apologize for repeating.
In case I am somehow managing to come across as an extremely dignified and lady-like human being (which I highly doubt) I’m here to tell you that I’m one of the clumsiest people I’ve ever met. I’m clumsy in manymanymanymany ways, but especially vocally. This gets me into all kinds of funny situations. Sometimes they are only funny later on.
This one wasn’t funny until later on….much later on. Like, two or three months ago.
Picture this: I’m 23, and pregnant. At church. Always the best/worst place to embarrass yourself. I’m chatting with this girl whom I don’t know very well. She asks me if I’m having any baby showers, and I tell her I’m not sure and that a few friends had mentioned it. She said “You HAVE to have a baby shower. It’s the best part! The presents, the food, the decorations…..” and I sat there nodding and smiling and then I said..
Yeah, all the baby p*rn.
She said “OH MY GOSH!!! WHAT?!?!?!”
I almost screamed when I realized what I said. Then I tried to explain myself.
My explanation: “Did I say baby p*rn? It’s not the kind you might be thinking of…it’s like this, my sister is engaged and she seems to have stacks of bridal magazines everywhere and clippings of gowns and flowers taped up all over the place and my family and I you see we tease her that it is her wedding p*rn. So when we were just talking a minute ago about all the presents and everything I kind of thought that this was my version of wedding p*rn, but it’s just with like a baby instead, you know what I meant, right? Right? You get it right?.”
Even with my best explanation, I realized that those are two words that should never ever ever be used together. It was my first and only time making that mistake, if you don’t count all the times I’ve said them together when telling the story.
Anyway, poor girl. She handled it really well considering the shock on her face was so obvious it could have been identified as a feature. Eyes, chin, nostrils, shock, cheekbones, forehead.
And that is my most embarrassing moment.
Pretty bad, right?
Please feel free to share yours!