“She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way she adjusted her sails.”
~Elizabeth Edwards.
Sometimes I feel like I’m losing hope. I’m a positive person, I’m upbeat by nature, but I have often felt like as soon as I’ve started to understand or get used to the enormous trials life has thrown my way, there is something bigger and badder knocking at my door. I’m feeling exhausted and so incredibly done with this. And when all along I thought the sacrifices I’ve made and the hardships I’ve endured would be wildly worth it one day, it’s hard to not question if they ever really will. I’ve never worried about losing hope, it’s just never crossed my mind to think that better times aren’t going to come. So tonight, when it seems impossible to get through this…with the hurt feelings and the overwhelming burdens and the loss of friendships, I needed a gust of hope.
Thank you to Kelly for the talk. Thank you to Erin for the talk. Thank you to Karrie for the day. And thank you to Rebecca for the email.
Oh, and thank you to Elizabeth for the hope.
Come on sails, let’s go catch some wind.
I love this by Carol Lynn Pearson.
Drama in two acts
I dim
I dim
I have no doubt
If someone blew–
I would go out.
I did not.
I must be brighter
Than I thought.
–from Beginnings &
Beyond
Praying that not only do you not lose your hope, but that you can find and experience joy in what seem like overwhelmingly difficult circumstances. Thanks for sharing your life on your blog. In regards to your previous post, I, as one of your readers, miss you too! Good on you for doing what is right for you during this hard time. Your readers will still be here if and when you decide to start blogging more again. I think of you often even though we have never met and will keep you and Pip in my prayers. You’re stronger than you know.
one day at a time, my friend. And never underestimate the power of a good night sleep to rejuvenate your soul. Take care of yourself. I thought of you today when I heard that “Everybody’s Shufflin’ song.
I absolutely love that quote. It inspires me. Here’s one from my favorite author:
‘In the midst of Winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible Summer’ -Albert Camus
I wrote it on a tiny sticky note and it stays in my wallet and I look at it every day. I needed that quote to get through some very hard times. I know you’ll prevail.
Can I real mail you my book (that I wrote)??
Can I real mail you a book that I wrote?
In the hardest, scariest, most hopeless time of my life — when I honestly thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel and was under extreme stress – the only thing that helped me survive:
ONLY THINK ABOUT THE NEXT 24 HOURS. Get thru those 24 hours, do what you have to do in them, and find small moments of relief when you can – like chocolate or a trashy magazine. You can make a list of things for later, so you don’t forget, but you don’t have to actually do them in your 24 hour window.
That’s my 2 cents. Maybe you’ll find it helpful, maybe not. Somehow things work themselves out. YOU WILL BE OKAY!
I’m a long time lurker, very infrequent commenter, but I truly admire you and are rooting for you.
Also, a helpful quote –
“everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”"
Don’t know who said it! I read it somewhere and it stuck with me.
I love this from Washington Irving- “There is in every true woman’s heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.”
I hope you can find your fire, Reagan.
Abby
Take a deep breath! You can do this! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
I know it probably sounds rather trite–especially coming from a stranger, I really DO hope you will hang in there, find hope and peace, experience a loonnnnggggg stretch of GOOD stuff to dim the memories of the bad. It saddens me to know you are hurting and at the same time I’m glad you at least can find SOME outlet here on your blog and know that sooo many people are rooting for you, praying for you, sending you good thoughts and wishes.
I’ve felt that way that you describe (multiple times unfortunately). I think it’s pretty much part of the human condition at times. And yet, when we are going thru it, we tend to forget that it won’t ALWAYS be like this and that others have it equally hard or even worse at times.
I’m glad you are getting to spend quality time with that sweet Pip of yours! I’m sure she enjoys every minute of it–especially when it’s an “awake over” and she gets to watch mama TRY to sleep before jabbing her in the eye or laying on her face or some cute Pip antic!
It’s gonna get better, Reagan… I don’t know when or how but I know. You just watch and see!
You are amazing, wonderful, and fun! Stay strong-you are more powerful than you think.
You’ve got this.
Reagan, I have been through something like this. My husband and I separated for several months a couple of years ago and I thought it was done. Some nights I felt like I was dying.
I learned that there are no fairy tales. That I can’t force a relationship to be something that it isn’t, or another person to be anything they are not, not even a little bit. That the only person in the world I have control over is myself. And so I still work on myself, really a lot. It’s the only thing to do when there is nothing to do.
Of course I think you are fabulous and wonderful, you have great energy and amazing skills and big big love for your baby girl. And that is a great place to start. God bless.
Reagan,
I don’t know what to say to you except I’ve been reading your blog for years and feel like I know you, and I’m so sad that you’re going through all this. I wish I lived in NYC so I could give you a hug! I hope life treats you more kindly soon. xo
Anyone who can face the challenges you’ve faced thus far in your life, will be able to face whatever you are facing now. Plus — you are still SO YOUNG!
You can do this…. I promise.
I know that when I went through my divorce….. I had to remember that the future I thought was going to be mine…. wasn’t going to be. I had to mourn it… like a death. Happily however, time does heal.
What helped me the most besides my two boys was that I had to find something… one thing that made me excited about my future. For instance… I had to move. I decorated my house in my mind to help me fall asleep. Once I finished with that…. I found something new. I started crafting and sewing…. kept me busy.
Find your hope…. you’ll make it. I promise.
Keep fun on your schedule. Plan hang outs with your girls doing nothing but laughing, watch Tosh.O and Ridiculousness or Happy Gilmore. Play old board/card games with friends. Plan a little something everyday if you can for awhile. It helps.
I read the following on a leadership blog http://michaelhyatt.com/why-you-arent-dead-yet.html
– strange place I know, but it struck me as a beautiful way to think about challenging times. I like the last part best…
I then began to make an argument that I first learned in The Noticer by Andy Andrews. In the book, Jones, the personification of wisdom, makes six points to Willow, a seventy-six year old lady, who had given up hope that she had anything left to contribute. (see chapter 6, pp. 83–85).
1.God has a purpose for every single person.
2.You won’t die until that purpose is fulfilled.
3.If you are still alive, then you haven’t completed what you were put on earth to do.
4.If you haven’t completed what you were put on earth to do, then your very purpose hasn’t been fulfilled.
5.If your purpose hasn’t been fulfilled, then the most important part of your life is still ahead.
6.You have yet to make your most important contribution.
Jones goes on to say,
If the most important part of your life is ahead of you, then even during the worst times, one can be assured that there is more laughter ahead, more success to look forward to, more children to teach and help, more friends to touch and influence. There is proof of hope . . . for more.” (p. 85)
so sorry life is sucky for you right now.
blowing kisses and happy wishes to you… all the way from Arizona.
Sorry life’s rough right now.
It will get better. Just keep swimming. If you haven’t seen Finding Nemo, you won’t get that. If you haven’t seen Finding Nemo, you should. There’s a cheerer-upper right there.
I was told by a caring friend to make sure to use extreme self care. She told me to do nice things for myself. I remember wandering aimlessly throughout a beauty supply store. I didn’t know what I was looking for. I must have looked pathetically distraught, because I was. A woman approached me and asked if there was something she could help me with. I said, “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I just found out my husband has been cheating on me with multiple women…” She whisked me away to the salon and asked a co-worker, “Will you bring her a water please?” She was so sweet and caring. She started washing my hair, cut it, highlighted it, and styled it. As I walked out, it seemed as if the entire staff was lining the aisle and giving me words of encouragement “You look beautiful!” “You are strong.” “Best to you Sweetie.” “You really are beautiful.” etc. I had tears streaming down my face because of how I felt in that moment. It wasn’t the new hair cut and highlights that made me feel so good. It was the fact that I felt sincerely respected. I felt cared for. I felt genuine kindness and concern for me. I was so grateful.
My suggestions to surviving difficult moments following the loss of a spouse.
#1 Take care of yourself. Use extreme self care.
#2 Take it one day at a time. And sometimes…one hour at a time…or even 5 minutes at a time. Baby steps.
#3 Look at what the next step is, and focus on that. Do not overwhelm yourself with EVERYTHING that is happening. It is way too much to deal with at once. I used to ask myself, “What is the next step?” And I would do one thing at a time- the next step. It helps so much.
#4 Be patient. I remember someone telling me “It won’t feel like this forever.” I couldn’t begin to imagine that day. It took about 2 years…
#5 Make the Lord your best friend. Rely on Him. He is always there and He always understands because He too suffered it.
That is how I survived. I really focused on my children and tried to be the best mom I could be. It helped me to feel like I was accomplishing something really great in life- even though I was hurting inside. I am sorry you have to go through this.
Prayers for you Reagan.
(((Hugs)))
Oh, bless you. I don’t know you personally, but my heart goes out to you. You’re in my prayers.
I have this quote by Harriet Beecher Stowe framed to look at when things look bleak:
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
Praying that your tide will turn.
Dear Reagan,
You have the encouragement and affection of hundreds of internet strangers who are wishing and praying for your happiness and success with all their might. Let some of that love be your wind for awhile.
You will get your bearings.
You seem like such a lovely person. Your life will be back on track one day. And you will be so proud of yourself for having gotten through all this turmoil.
Once after a very rough few years with one of my children, I realized that I could take a deep breath again. I told my husband that I felt like I had been swimming under water for ages and that I had finally gotten to the other edge of a million-mile long pool. I felt as if I broke the surface, took in a breath and turned around to see how far I had swam. And I said, WOW, look what I finally did!!!
You will get there, Reagan!
Hi Reagan–one thing I did that helped me to keep hoping for good things in my future is that I bought a colorful frame. It was just a cheerful little frame. And so I bought it to put a photo of whomever was going to be a part of my happy future. It was a symbol of hope for me–that I wouldn’t always be sad, that I wouldn’t always hurt, that I wouldn’t always be upset that life hadn’t turned out as I’d planned. It sat on my dresser empty for 2 years. And then when I met a very kind, loving man who took the time to know me and who truly loved me, my frame no longer sat empty.
It doesn’t seem that your split was long ago, and so everything is probably very raw still–there are good days that seem pretty darn good but still ones that are very hard, I bet. It’s really only time that helps you heal in a healthy way and prepares you for a truly loving and good relationship next go around. It does get better–I promise.
You are loved, girl. Even by people who only know you through this blob. Hang in there! <3
I have this little routine with my son and my niece and nephew where we will sing, “You are my Sunshine” to each other, and then I will say to each of them in a very loud or bossy way, “Katie or Connor, DON’T YOU DARE TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY (kinda of like Willis on Different Strokes). Oh how they laugh. We have been doing it for years, this silly little thing, but sometimes I find myself thinking it towards someone or some circumstance and really meaning it, like “HEY, YOU CANT DO THAT, YOU CAN’T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY.” Reagan, don’t let ANYONE take your Sunshine away. Don’t let CIRCUMSTANCES take your sunshine away. Come on, shout it, declare it, mean it “DON’T YOU TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY!”
You can do it! I believe in you! Even though I’m going through different stuff, I believe that I can do it too.
I’ve read your blog for a few years now from Seattle…you are one cool girl. And have hope, because you have brought hope to me.
I wish I had some good advice for you… all i can say is look at all the support you have even in just this blog!
Speaking of hope. I just listened to the most incredible conversation this morning on The Mormon Channel. It’s an interview with a guy named Gary Ceran who lost his wife and two kids in a car accident on Christmas Eve. Holy cow. This guy has it figured out and I will never be the same after listening to his story.
Love your blogs. Love your sense of humor. Love your attitude. Hang in there girl.
reaganb,you’re so lucky because whenever you think you lost hope, you can give piper’s adorable little shoulders the tiniest squeeze. then you’ll find it. because she’s built from hope. one squeeze and you’ll remember. hope pours out of those endless sky blues of her. it’s her job really. being hopeful. you two were simply made for each other.
I know you are having a hard time right now. But ever since I saw your post making it clear what was happening,my reaction wasn’t “Poor Reagan” or “How awful” but “Phew, now she’s gonna have it be like its supposed to be.”
I know you feel its so hard right now. And I am 100 percent sure that it is. But I just know that this is temporary and you are going to be in a 1000 percent better place than ever sooner rather than later. You are bright, funny, gorgeous and a great mom. You are going to build a life that honors ALL of that, I have no doubt.
You have much brighter days ahead dear Reagan. I just KNOW it. You are a young, optimistic, fun, beautiful gal and mother. Your future is SO bright we’re gonna all have to wear shades!
Hugs to you and the Pip. Cannot believe how long her hair has gotten
I’m reading everyone’s comments and tears are streaming down my cheeks. Your post is so touching. You have a way that you write that is so REAL. I think that’s why we are all here. We feel you, we are rooting for you! We see ourselves in you!
My own family has been through a really rough patch recently. By recently I mean the last three years. I feel like I have aged 20 in this short amount of time. My close friends and family were our lifeboat, we knew they were there, but its a lonely feeling when you go through these trials.
Sometimes I would say to a friend “I don’t think I can do this anymore,” but then I would wonder why I was saying that. Because there is NO alternative! I knew I couldn’t change what was happening to our family. I could only survive it. I kept finding things to put my hope in but was never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 3 years. 3 years when every prayer my children have uttered includes the words”please let my Daddy get a job. 3 years of wondering where the food to feed these four angels would come from. 3 years of watching my best friend, my husband, bend and nearly break with trying to keep good on the table and a roof over our heads. And last week he got the call. He’s been offered not just A JOB, but a dream job. The pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. And now we understand why we had to go through the things we did.
I don’t know if you believe in a God. I don’t want to preach. But to me there are no coincidences. I can’t see the whole picture…but I believe he can.
Someday you will look back, and this will be a bad dream. Something that you probably won’t remember all the details of. You will get through it and see how it shaped your life into more than you could hope for.
Go Reagan! Sorry for the sermon, I’m still raw knowing this part of our lives is almost over! That is all.
I’m cheering you on from across the country. You can do it! Life is like a ferris wheel… you’ll be riding the car to the top before you know it!
One I’ve used since I first heard it in Latin class many, many years ago in high school: Allis Volat Propiis (She flies with her own wings)
Hi there! I never comment. Ever! On any blogs, but I have always admired your positive attitude. I check in here to see what you and Pip are up to. You really do give me a new hope and attitude for whats going on in my life. I know if you can do it, I can. It seems a little ridiculous, as I don’t even know you and only see your life through this blob. Anyways keep up the positivity and being a great mother to you daughter a great friend and person you are more an inspiration than you know.
My very favorite scripture is, “And it came to pass…” Nothing ever comes to stay.
You give me a lot by sharing about your life and your little girl. Thank you for lifting me so much.
Hi.
The line you wrote about thinking that all the struggles and hardships you’ve been through would be “wildly worth it one day” really struck me, I really related. I’ve always considered myself a positive gal too, but lately I’ve come to the realization that life truly does seem to be a string of really tough stuff with some really GREAT stuff thrown in amidst the $#!*. I have decided to just pay more attention to the little, great times. I think, for me, that’s the best way to get through. I hope your friends and family and that cute little Pip can fortify you through all this.
Again, I’m a total stranger, but I am rooting for you. I admire your honesty while staying true to yourself and keeping some things private.
To quote Dory in Finding Nemo~ “Just keep swimming…” xo from AZ
To me…honestly…it is more important for readers to see you survivng and thriving, rather than knowing the details. I know I would rather read growth (with ups and downs). Who needs details? Boring sad people need the details! Love to you from AZ…
Hi Reagan, I’m a frequent reader of your blog, but I’ve never commented before, but this post really got to me as my best friend recently for reasons unknown to me turned her back onto me. We’ve beem besties since we were wee things. It sucks. It hurts and I just totally identified with this post and just wanted to say I understand the loss of friendships. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you will continue with the blob…its not necessary to share the personal stuff, we don’t need all the details, but we all love you and support you and even though we haven’t met you’ve kinda wormed your way into all of our hearts and if you stopped blobbing I think we’d all feel like we lost a friend.
Lots of love from Indiana!