no one else can smile her smile
Friday, January 8, 2010 posted by Reagan at 4:28 PM
i had a good day, despite my fears of driving to Wanaque by myself and seeing pippy sick. The nurses have been telling me she is feeling better, but i convinced myself that they were lying to me because they are scared of me. i have been really mean, so i dont blame them really. when i'm concerned about the pip, i really just can't keep my emotions together.
So, when i got there, pippy smiled a massive smile to welcome me. then we played and played. Piper Jane was herself. her spunky, silly, smiley, hyper-piper and throat grabbing self. i could do without the throat grabbing, but a minor con to so many pros. plus my throat is so grabbable.
her feeding tube disconnected and leaked all over my jeans so i went to the bathroom to clean myself off. i kind of felt like i shouldn't have left her like this, but it was so cute to look from the bathroom and see her standing there all alone and curious.
So, when i got there, pippy smiled a massive smile to welcome me. then we played and played. Piper Jane was herself. her spunky, silly, smiley, hyper-piper and throat grabbing self. i could do without the throat grabbing, but a minor con to so many pros. plus my throat is so grabbable.
her feeding tube disconnected and leaked all over my jeans so i went to the bathroom to clean myself off. i kind of felt like i shouldn't have left her like this, but it was so cute to look from the bathroom and see her standing there all alone and curious.
you can tell she is wondering if she is going to get in trouble for being alone. yeah right....pip in trouble.
when my parents were in town, birdie had a complete heyday with my dad's glasses, so i decided i'd wear some. the first thing she did was pull them off and then poke me in the eye immediately with no warning. and then she laughed at herself.
i might frame this one of the big chucks/little chucks. it was an accident that we matched, i was all "pippy, you and mama match!'' and she was like '' squeak squeak". and then she threw her Dora on the floor. She always does that.
more things that happened today:
~her roommate, rubi, was having a moment with the nurses and they wanted privacy so they pulled the curtain around. the corner was right where we were sitting. Piper Jane peeked around the curtain and watched the whole thing. i pulled her back once, but when she went back and the nurses were laughing so hard, i thought it was probably harmless. she is a curious little monkey frog.
~i was singing pipsey "drive, drive, drive that firetruck" and i was poking her nose on the "ding ding ding'' part and when i stopped, she grabbed my finger and started poking her nose with it. she pays attention! ha
~she was happy enough to clap and smile. since i've taught her to clap, i have figured out that she has to be in a really good mood to do it. I was pretty much sure that "a really good mood" would never happen again, and i was so scared. it feels so good to be wrong.
i'm sorry for being so down about the move. and i'm sorry to my friends who had to hear my sobs and complaints this week. there are at least 5 of yas.
Labels: cute stuff, high tops, piper jane, wanaque
what i'm up to
Saturday, January 2, 2010 posted by Reagan at 10:35 PM
~my parents were in town. they were here from tuesday until today. so if you are wondering if we got crunk on new years with my mom and dad, we did. (crunk can also mean playing "scattergories" and eating peppermint joe joes. i miss them already. and so does the pip.
~piper jane moved to new jersey. the move went fine. everyone there is trying to make us happy. it's not working, but we are really trying to stay positive. i don't really know how to explain the feelings i'm having. it's like moving someone away from their home and then leaving them to be cared for by strangers. that's about the exact feeling. so, basically i'm still feeling pretty rough about it all. and bitter. and picked on.
~i'm really trying to not sound like a snob, but i am not into blogging lately. when browsing the web i am still blown away by the fakeness of so many blog authors and i dont want any part of that. i seriously feel like i am the only one who sees right through these fakesters. really though, i want to continue reagan's blob because of piper jane. only because she is such a rad chick. a lot of people love her and the blob is helping me connect with them. wether they are family, former nurses, anonymous readers, friends or people who have ccms in there family, blobbing has been great for us. i think i wound up sounding snobby by accident anyway. i'm sorry if i did.
some other stuff...
~jake and i saw groovaloo at the union square theater. that was really fun.
~we walked across the brooklyn bridge with my parents
~we celebrated our 3rd christmas with pippy
~we bought flights to Utah
~ my best friend is moving to the UK
~she also got engaged and is getting married in 2011
~she also got engaged and is getting married in 2011
~my christmas tree is still up and it's not because i'm festive.
~i cannot stop thinking and talking about the show dexter. dont ruin it for me if you are current. we are still watching the dvds.
~i can't stop playing with my voice changer app. jake asked me why my voice was hoarse and i felt a little stupid saying "oh, because i've been singing every song i know into my phone for the past 2 hours so that i can change it into chipmunk voice". including "garden grove", "paparazzi", "fidelity", "chinese", "here comes the sun", "popcorn popping", "rocky top", "no other one", "the fear", "take a chance on me". etc.
~i'm not feeling very inspired when it comes to blobbing. i know i wrote that earlier, but i really mean it. i'm not sure if i'll be changing anything, or what. i'll probably be back to normal as soon as i stop hating the internet.
Labels: boring, Family, fat daddy, hard stuff, wanaque
new kid in school
Saturday, May 9, 2009 posted by Reagan at 9:45 AM
I missed this little one. It seemed like I hadn't seen her in forever when I got to Wanaque yesterday. I drove by myself! And it wasn't even that bad! For those of you who don't know, I have a huge fear of driving by myself to unfamiliar places. It's something that has only become a fear since I've lived in the city.
I'm still getting used to Wanaque. It's weird seeing Piper so smelly and dirty. I appreciate Blythedale so much more now that I think of it. They kept her so nice and squeaky. I asked the nurse about the bathing schedule and she got very defensive and claimed that Piper gets like 50 baths a minute. Yeah right, lady. Every time we've gone I have had to bathe her right away. I can't deal with crust and stink. The only problem is that a bath wipes her out and she usually needs a nap after that. Dont get me wrong, I love snuggles and I plan to make piper a little snuggie some day, but I am anxious to see her play like normal again.
Her fever and sickies have seemed to go away for the most part. I should explain that. Moving to Wanaque was a shock to her little immune system and she came down with some new little bugs in the first few weeks. Like I said, most everything has cleared up, but her vent settings are still much higher than normal as a result to high co2 levels. I am a little suspicious that the real reason they are still high is because the nurses are too lazy to fool around with her settings (making sure they are as low as possible without causing her to desat). This would cause them to actually need to go in her room once in a while. Heaven forbid...seriously, they will do whatever it takes to prevent going into the child's room.
I hope I'm not peeving anyone off by all my gripes. But I had a hard time holding back and explosive rage yesterday. I wanted to run through the hospital and yell to everyone that they are doing things wrong. Blyethdale, please take us back. Please?
it's going to get better.
it's going to get better.
it's going to get better.
it's going to get better.
and if it doesn't then I'm giving myself permission to beat someone up.
Labels: hard stuff, i feel sad, piper jane, wanaque
